Journal Entry No.1 3/11/19

Happy Tuesday everyone it's actually Tuesday!

I usually write my journal entries in my actual journal but I felt like sharing today. A lot of little good things happened.

Due to the time change, I got to school as the sun was rising which was partly aw pretty and partly aw it's too early in the morning.

I got to my first class and was disappointed to see that my crush wasn't there but my second class was replaced by individual conferences with the professor so I knew I would get to go home early. I had to walk all the way across campus to get to the professor's office but it was near the cafeteria so I had some really good tater tots before my meeting.

I went home and wound down with some tv thinking I didn't have anything else to worry about besides my paper due Wednesday, before falling asleep around the time the second class should have started (isn't that a nice feeling?) I woke up around 2:30 and had some pretzels because I was too lazy to cook but then my alarm went off at 4:30 for me to go to my psychology 101 class that I had completely forgotten about. For a moment I thought about not going but this class is only once a week and I really look forward to it. I love the professor who teaches it. I got ready really quick (it only took me four minutes to pack my bag, put shoes and pants on, fill up my water bottle and go to the bathroom) and ran to McDonald's for a quick burger because I knew I would not last through class without an actual meal. Usually, I make sure to have some sort of actual meal before that class but as I forgot, that did not happen and I just snacked most of the day. Luckily, I give myself plenty of time to get parking and hang out before class so I had enough time to get some food and eat it before class and still had leftover time to work on an assignment. When I went through the drive through both of the employees at each window where really nice and smiled at me which may not seem important but the employees at that location are well known for being not nice or polite.

When I got to my class I worked on an assignment like I said and as people began to file in the girl behind me started asking me a bunch of questions about the test we took last class, the presentations and paper we would be doing as well as other general questions about the class. The whole class knows that I had our professor last semester for women's psychology so they all think I'm really smart and are always asking me questions. Really I just love the professor and have a previous relationship with her as well as find the subject interesting. The girl next to me also always asks me questions too and today when she sat down I saw her pull a scantron out of a pack in the corner of my eye and I realized she was replacing the scantron I had given her last class. Whenever I need a scantron for a test in class I always buy two packs and bring all of them because someone always forgets and I like to be prepared for myself as well as others. When we took the test and everyone started filling the name section out on scantron she looked around confused. She didn't even know what a scantron was. She asked me what was going on while the professor was telling us how to fill out the class portion so while keeping my attention on the professor I handed her one of my extra scantrons. To me, it was no big deal. But today she not only handed me a replacement scantron but a bar of chocolate! How fricken sweet!

Then a friend I made in last semesters women psychology came in with her service dog, Elvis, that she lets me pet sometimes after class. So I got to visit with them. She's an intern with the professor and came in to support her because she was having a hard day (I don't feel comfortable disclosing what she was struggling with) but still wanted to teach. I was so impressed with her. She's such an amazing woman. I mean I want to write her biography kind of amazing. I'm taking psych 101 specifically because I wanted to take another class with her.

When I got to the elevator to go home it was dark (because the class ends around 9) and lightly sprinkling so I checked behind me to see if anyone was coming towards the elevator and saw a couple walking slowly over. I pushed the button to keep the doors open a couple times until they came in. The man smiled and thanked me. He said he had walked slowly because he didn't expect me to hold the elevator open. I always try to hold elevators open for people even if I have to stand there for a minute until they get there because I think it's an easy and simple thing to do to make someone happy.

Then I get home and a Winnie-the-Pooh coloring page my sister made for me and two cookies were waiting for me.

Totally Ky

Kindness Matters

Happy Tuesday everyone it's actually Tuesday!

This is an email I sent to myself in 2016(!) that I wrote as a blog post but never posted. I read it today and it made me think. The only editing I did was fixing typos.

Kindness Matters

The average person, in my experience, has a default attitude. For most people, it's a sort of kind or polite attitude. When I talk to people I know well and who know me I act like myself. I'm really loud! And rude and crude. If I act like this around you it means I'm comfortable with you and I'm being myself. That is not my default attitude. The attitude you have when you talk to a complete stranger on the street or a cashier at a grocery store. Mine is a sort of polite kindness that is also a bit reserved and shy. My voice changes when I talk to people I don't know or people of authority that I don't know well. My voice gets quieter and more feminine. This isn't something I do on purpose and after I hear that voice I usually get annoyed with myself. Why do I change for strangers? But that is just my default.

I think most people have this default kindness. Things we do or say that can be considered kindness but to most of us is just a sort of common sense or attitude or politeness. That is still a kindness though. 

I remember sitting in a suicide prevention assembly and hearing a story where I high school kid helped pick up a boys books when they were walking home. To the guy picking up the books, it was no big deal. It was a default kindness. To the other boy. It was a life-saving moment for him. These two became friends and the boy who dropped his books later told the other boy that the day they met he was going to go home and kill himself. But that small default kindness stopped him. 

Default kindness is important. You don't know what the people around you are going through. You don't know if that default kindness will save their life or make their day.

Purposeful kindnesses are also important. When I started driving I noticed that I was practicing a purposeful kindness that my other friends who were driving didn't practice. I have never honked my horn. I don't like too. Now if I were about to be killed by a car hurtling towards me heck yeah I would honk. But if someone cuts me off without the apology wave or does some sort of stupid thing on the road I don't honk. Because I cut people off and its always for a reason. I make stupid mistakes and when people,e honk at me it isn't a good feeling. So I don't honk at them.

Or when someone around me is having a bad day and that negatively somehow gets put onto me. I let it go. I let them have their bad day. I don't yell back or call them names or anything like that because I have bad days too. Sometimes I'm mean to people. So I allow other people to have their bad day.

There are days where I am angry at the world and because my friends are apart of that world they get a taste of my anger. They usually know to let me ride out my anger or whatever such emotion it may be and I always apologize later. That's their kindness to me. I think we all do this with our friends. It's harder to do it for strangers though and that is what I'm conscious of. Because we don't know what that person is like normally. So we don't know if they're being mean to us just because theyre having a bad day. So when someone I don't know is a jerk to me I assume they're having a bad day. That is my kindness.

I think the way we act towards others is the most important kind of kindness. What we say and how we treat people are very important. because people are fragile. You dont know if an off handed joke you make can hurt someone. When I was younger my cousin was very sensative about being called stupid. That was his trigger word. It was his biggest insecurity so when people offhandedly said it to him he would go off. So I made sure to never say it to him.

A couple months ago I was sitting in my class and we were having a very lighthearted group discussion. We were joking around and having fun and at some point, we got to the topic of spouse abuse. And when you're comfortable in a group you might say something that could otherwise be insulting. So I said something like, "That's what they always say. He didn't mean it, he won't do it agian, he loves me." In response to something. And one of my classmates imediatly left the room. My heart fell. This girl wasn't my best friend but we were good aquantances. She came back into class and afterwards I went up to her and asked if she was okay and if what I said upset her. She said. "For some people, it's more real than others.". She kind of shrugged off my asking if I had upset her. I profusely apoligsed. She thanked me and looked at my kind of surprised. She could tell what I was saying was sincere and I think it touched her that I cared.

I've been at the wrong side of bullying and even just jokes that hurt. I never want to be that person that even accidently says somethingt that could affect another person like that. So when I make remakers that hurt people I sincerely apologise.

Kindness doesnt have to mean going out of your way to make someone happy. It can be little things. All kinds of kindness matter. What may seem like something so small to you may seem really big to someone else. People by definition are selfish. We aren't always aware of the people around us and how our actions impact them. So be a little more aware. A little more conscious. 

Totally Ky

little acts of kindness

Happy Tuesday everyone it's not Tuesday,

If you haven't noticed I love dinosaurs.

I have bought many packs of plastic dinosaurs but I don't want duplicates of the same exact design in my collection so I have a lot of extras that need homes.

So, I tapped a bunch of dinosaurs to a piece of paper and wrote, "you are dino-mite (take one)" yes, I stole that line from the Valentines I gave out this year.

First, I tacked two of them to one of the outdoor message boards at my college. After going to class for several hours I checked on the board on my way to my car and several had been taken!

I had planned on putting each sheet in a different place at my college so that it would be accessible to more students. So for the second trial, I tacked a sheet to a message board in the math and science building where I was taking my astronomy class. The board was a little bit down the hall from my class and
where I nap outside my class in the two hours before.

While I was waiting for my class to start three people walked by and a girl shouted about how cute it was and asked her friends if they should take one. She said, "f*** it let's take one" while one of her friends read the title and the other friend took a picture. As the group walked away the first girl said she'd name him Lucas.

A little bit later one of my friends walked in with a group of girls. As they passed me without my friend seeing me, one of her friends was talking about the dinosaurs and my friend ran up all excited and declared that she had taken a stegosaurus. When she walked away I texted her, "you're welcome".

After I went to my astronomy class I checked on how many of the dinosaurs where left AND THERE WAS ONLY ONE LEFT AND SOMEONE WROTE ME A NOTE!

Encouraged by the responses I taped several more pages up all over the school.

The semester has now ended so I will be taking a break but I still have a whole bag of dinosaurs in my car for next semester.

Totally Ky

Bookshelf update and do things you're not good at?

Happy Tuesday everyone it's not Tuesday,

Before

After

I love painting. I forgot how much because I didn't do a whole lot of it this year. I worked on a recent paint project, well I redid a slightly older paint project. I have a pretty small bookshelf and I was struggling with wanting to display some of my books prettily but not having enough room. I came up with stacking these wood crates from Michaels next to it to sort of extend the bookshelf. I wanted each crate to display a specific book or book series that I loved. Originally I had Alice in Wonderland, Winnie the Pooh, Harry Potter, and The Outsiders. I have three copies of Alice and Wonderland and Winnie the Pooh as well as a lot of merchandise that I wanted to display with it so that worked out really cool. I have a really pretty box set of the Harry Potter series and now I'm collecting the Lego figurines so that looks really cool. But I didn't have anything else to put inThe Outsiders box beside the three copies I have so it comparatively didn't look as good. I decided to switch it out for a Scooby-Doo box. I don't know why I hadn't thought of it before as I'm obsessed with Scooby-Doo and I do have a collection book of Scooby-Doo stories.

I painted each crate with a corresponding theme of what it was dedicated to so I had to repaint the black and white strips of The Outsiders to a light blue and green (I might add orange flowers later) for the mystery machine. And once I did that I, of course, had to repaint all of them. Actually, I didn't repaint the Alice box because I did a blue and white for Alice's dress and I still liked it. The Winnie the Pooh box was originally yellow and white and I had been thinking about changing it to yellow and red for his shirt but I still really liked the yellow and white. I decided to compromise and do the back panel with yellow and red and left the rest of it yellow and white. When I painted the Harry Potter box I didn't really know what to do because the only theme colors where for each house but I wanted an overall theme. I ended up going with dark blue and black to do sort of a night sky effect. When I repainted it I decided to do three themes of the houses for each inside panel and I left the top and bottom dark blue. I did the back panel as blue and grey for Ravenclaw, the right panel with yellow and red for Gryffindor, and the left panel with yellow and black for Hufflepuff. I think most people would argue that the main panel should be the Gryffindor colors because Harry is the main character but I am a proud Ravenclaw, it's my favorite house, and I love Luna Lovegood so I made it the middle.

Now, what does this have to do with doing things you're not good at? Well. I'm not good at painting. Now painting crates doesn't take a lot of skills but generally speaking, I'm not a great painter. I like what I create but I know that I have very basic skills. Same with drawing. So why do I do it if I'm not very good? The answer is simple. It makes me happy. I love painting and drawing and doing other art. And I think that's more important than being good at it. You don't have to be good at your hobbies to love doing it. And I for one think it's really important to do things you love. Take this blog for another example. It's not very popular. Mostly some friends and family read it once in a while. But I love doing it. So I continue to do it.

There's my little spiel. Do what makes you happy even if you aren't great at it.

Totally Ky






P.S. Here's a post of most of my paintings if you want to check that out. And this is what my current painting set up looks like. I don't like how the third picture is looking but I'm not sure what to do about it.

:*

Happy Tuesday everyone,

When walking through the makeup aisle I often see this shade of blue lipstick. It catches my eye because it is an attractive color in my eyes but I never give it further thought because blue is a very out-there color for lip products. I have never seen anyone wear blues or purples on their lips in real life. Models in magazines or on cat-walks, sure, but never your average human in the produce aisle of the grocery store trying to figure out which watermelon is ripe.

So I have never bought this lipstick even though it catches my eye for a moment every time I'm in the makeup aisle. Instead, I focus on finding the perfect shade of red.

I can't really say what made me pick up this crazy shade of blue this time. Maybe I was bored or feeling a bit more playful. Maybe I decided this was the most outrageous color of lip product in the store and wanted to see why a makeup company would put this in front of me. So I took it home and tried it on. Then I went back to the store, bought every other color of this specific liquid lipstick and a couple other lip products in outrageous colors such as sky blue, black, grey and white.

When I put that shade of blue on my lips and looked in the mirror I wondered what orange would look like or yellow or green (these two were not found) or black or purple (because embracing your inner goth is fun
sometimes). I decided I wanted a rainbow of liquid lipsticks so that I could take a picture with each of them on and put them side by side to make a rainbow of lip colors.

Once I possessed as close to a rainbow of lip products as I could achieve without being in a Halloween store, the next logical thing to do was paint! And of course, when you're painting with lipstick you have to paint lips. So I pulled out a stack of small square canvas that I wasn't saving for anything special and got to work.

<I took these two pictures first then ended up doing a photoshoot with the other colors and forgot to retake the first two to make them all the same.>

I started out with a drawing of a pair of lips in the middle of the canvas and because I hadn't tried out all of the colors I bought yet I started making random shapes in all of the different colors as the background (that's why there isn't a color theme which bothers me but I was just testing out the colors) and since I didn't want to mix the colors I left a white line between each shape. I decided the color of the lips should be the original blue that started this whole thing.

For the next "painting" I went with a more traditional color of lips and slightly changed the shape.

For the last (I got tired of the fume) I used the black lipstick and changed the shape and made a line in the background of each color.

Side Note: I do not recommend putting this much liquid lipstick on and removing it and putting more on and removing it in sich short a time it was hell on my lips.

I don't have good artificial lighting in my room and I forgot to take these while there was sunlight.

This second set of pictures is with flash. 

Totally Ky

P.S - I often feel like my posts need an important message so be spontaneous, be a little whimsical and try new things, I guess.

slut-shaming and prude-shaming(?) - Edited

Happy Tuesday everyone,

Edit warning: The poems I added at the end are a bit graphic.

Why do we slut shame? Why do we (I'm creating a new term) prude shame? Girls are called sluts when it is decided they have too much sex; slut shaming. But they're also called prudes when it's decided they don't have enough sex, so I'm calling this phenomenon prude shaming.

But where is that line being between a slut and a prude? Being shamed for having too much sex and being shamed for not having enough? And is there something in between? Is there a way to come out unscathed?

Nope.

There isn't a formula or scale for determining who is a prude and who is a slut. Someone who has never had sex can be called a slut because of how they dress or behave or simply because someone decided they were.

This post is inspired by the quote, "'The best kind of slut is one who won't put out.'" (Another Day by David Levithan) These words are said by the main character's ex-boyfriend after she tells him she did not have sex with the boy he saw her hugging. He calls her a slut even though she did not have sex with the other character. THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!

Slut shaming and prude-shaming are ridiculous and imaginary concepts created by society. And does it really matter how much sex a person has? As long as it's consensual who is anyone to judge how much or how little sex a person has? The amount of sex a person has doesn't make a person good or bad.

I vote we cancel shaming anyone for the amount of sex they have. Just a thought.

Totally Ky

Edit: I found two poems from planting garden in graves: volume one by r.h. Sin that encompasses what I'm talking about

shaming.
men beg
for entry
then label woman whores
as they exit

men chase pussy
then degrade women
for giving it to them

Either way.
they make virgins feel embarrassed
for not having sex

they shame woman for making the decision
to share themselves

little fish

Happy Tuesday everyone,

I'm starting a new (sort of) series titled, "little things". It's just little posts about things I felt like writing about or sharing that doesn't fall under the other main blog categories. It's sort of like an "other" category. Yes, it is all lower case (little) and yes, it will most likely have the word "little" in every title. We'll see. There are a couple things in the category "little things" above so look around.  Now back to your regularly scheduled program . . .  Or something.

I had a notably good day today (I wrote this last Tuesday) in my English 210 class. We were doing an activity my professor refers to as "Chalk Talk" (We do have one chalkboard as well as several whiteboards) where we print out a number of quotes from the reading we received as homework, then we post them on the boards and write comments.

The first quote I responded to was, "The Sachem is looked upon as a great tree under whose shade the nation sit." to which I responded, "A unique way of describing hierarchies." along with a little doodle of a tree. Luckily there was a green marker but I had to steal the black marker from the board on the other side of the room.

The second quote that stood out to me was,"The great fish swallow up the small..." to which I responded, "I like the imagery." along with a little drawing of a small fish being eaten by a bigger fish.




Along with responding on at least two quotes we were also required to respond to at least one response. So my two fish became three fish! I was really excited to have someone join in on my doodles as it was something different I was bringing to Chalk Talk and it was more on the whimsical side so it felt like a risk. As we started to sit down my professor looked around the room to take inventory and acknowledged (I don't remember what she said) my fish. I laughed and said something to the effect of the new fish that joined my school (as in school of fish). Another student hearing me, added the biggest fish as he sat down (I think his motivation was to be the biggest fish rather than to join in on the fun).


"Oh no. My poor little fish." (That read like a children's book) I (stage) mumbled with concern for little Herman (The name of the smallest fish).

Later when we were discussing the quotes and responses one of the other students referred to the second quote as, "That quote where all the fish come from." to which my professor affirmed, "Yes, the source of the fish."

Totally Ky

P.S. During the beginning of class I doodled my teacher because I really like the shape of her hair and her outfit.

The (abridged) poetic autobiography of my life this (so) [thus] far . . . It's a working title. (Part 2 - Script)

Happy Tuesday everyone . . . Again.

See also: Part 1

I just finished my INTERPERSONAL COLAGE PRESENTATION for my Communications 135 class and I presented it off of here so that's what the last post was and now I want to give it some context with my script. Keep in mind I went off my script a bit and because of that, I had to cut some stuff out so the script is like a rough draft vs what I actually said. I included my rubric at the end if you're interested.

The (abridged) poetic autobiography of my life this (so) [thus] far . . . It's a working title

Happy Tuesday everyone,

See also: Part 2 

·

 

 

Totally Ky